En 2018, para sorpresa del mundo cristiano, Joshua Harris anunció que ya no estaba de acuerdo con su propio libro. A través de un documental y una disculpa pública, declaró:
"He cambiado de opinión. Ya no creo que el cortejo sea un mandato bíblico para todos. Mi libro causó daño a muchas personas, creando una cultura de vigilancia y miedo al afecto."
En 2019, Harris retiró oficialmente El y Ella: Dile si al Cortejo (y sus guías de estudio) del mercado. Además, en 2021, sorprendió a sus seguidores al anunciar que se había divorciado de su esposa y que ya no se identificaba como cristiano, un giro que generó aún más debate sobre la validez de su enseñanza original.
A los 21 años, Joshua Harris era un joven pastor soltero que se sentía frustrado por el "sistema de citas" secular. Observaba que sus amigos y feligreses sufrían rupturas dolorosas, comparaban relaciones como si fueran productos y caían en tentaciones sexuales antes del matrimonio.
Su respuesta fue escribir I Kissed Dating Goodbye (1997). El fenómeno fue inmediato. Vendió más de un millón de copias y se tradujo a varios idiomas. En el mundo hispanohablante, "El y Ella: Dile sí al Cortejo" se convirtió en el manual de cabecera para jóvenes cristianos.
La premisa central era audaz: Reemplazar el "dating" (citas informales) por el "cortejo" (courtship).
Entre 1998 y 2005, el Libro De Joshua Harris El Y Ella Dile Si Al Cortejo estaba en todas las librerías cristianas. Su influencia fue masiva:
En Latinoamérica, el movimiento llegó con fuerza. Iglesias neopentecostales e iglesias reformadas adoptaron el libro como texto oficial para sus grupos de jóvenes.
"El y Ella: Dile Sí al Cortejo" sigue siendo un texto fundamental para entender
El y Ella: Dile sí al cortejo de Joshua Harris es una de las obras más influyentes en la literatura cristiana contemporánea sobre relaciones románticas. Publicado originalmente como la secuela del superventas Le dije adiós a las citas amorosas, este libro profundiza en el concepto del cortejo bíblico como una alternativa intencional y sagrada al noviazgo convencional.
A continuación, exploramos los temas centrales, la estructura y el contexto actual de esta obra. Temas Principales del Libro
El libro no solo ofrece reglas, sino que presenta una "hoja de ruta" para encontrar un compañero de vida con un propósito espiritual claro.
Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship: Harris, Joshua - Amazon.com
El libro " Él y Ella: Dile sí al cortejo " (título original: Boy Meets Girl) de Joshua Harris funciona como una guía práctica para transicionar de la soltería al matrimonio bajo principios cristianos. A diferencia de su primer libro, donde proponía "decir adiós" a las citas, en esta obra Harris detalla cómo construir una relación intencional. Temas Centrales de la Guía
Cortejo con Propósito: Define el cortejo no como una recreación emocional, sino como una temporada de amistad vigilada por la sabiduría, con el objetivo claro de evaluar la compatibilidad para el matrimonio.
Comunidad y Mentoría: Harris enfatiza que el romance no es un proyecto privado. Sugiere involucrar a la familia, pastores y amigos cercanos para recibir consejo y rendición de cuentas.
Pureza Sexual y Emocional: El autor ofrece pautas para proteger el corazón y mantener límites físicos claros, fundamentados en la fe.
Las 8 Grandes Conversaciones: El libro incluye una sección práctica con temas fundamentales que toda pareja debería discutir antes del compromiso, como finanzas, roles de género y fe. Estructura de Estudio Sugerida
Si planeas usarlo como guía de estudio grupal o personal, puedes enfocarte en estas áreas clave mencionadas en el texto: Amazon.com: El Y Ella: Dile Si Al Cortejo (Spanish Edition)
El y Ella: Dile Sí al Cortejo (known in English as Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship ) is a Christian guide by Joshua Harris that serves as the sequel to his bestseller, I Kissed Dating Goodbye . The book outlines a "romance with a purpose," advocating for biblical courtship
as a more intentional alternative to casual, recreational dating Amazon.com Core Concepts and Themes
The book focuses on moving a relationship from a simple greeting to a lifelong commitment through a God-centered framework. Key themes include: Amazon.com Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship: Harris, Joshua
Note on context: Joshua Harris has since publicly disavowed the book and apologized for the harm it caused. This post presents the original message of the book while acknowledging that context.
Title: Rethinking Romance: What Joshua Harris’s “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” Teaches About Choosing Courtship
Blog Introduction For an entire generation of Christian young people, Joshua Harris’s I Kissed Dating Goodbye (originally published in 1997) was a game-changer. The book’s Spanish edition, often referred to as El y Ella: Dile al Cortejo (“He and She: Say Yes to Courtship”), challenged the modern dating culture head-on.
But what exactly is the “courtship” Harris proposed? And is it still relevant today? Let’s break down the core principles of the book and the model of intentional relationships it champions.
The Problem with Modern Dating According to Harris, traditional dating often leads to:
Harris argued that dating without purpose isn’t harmless—it’s preparation for divorce. This is why he proposed courtship as the alternative.
What is “El Cortejo” (Courtship)? Unlike casual dating, courtship is a season of intentional relationship aimed specifically at discerning marriage. Here are the pillars as presented in the book:
1. Guard Your Heart (Proverbs 4:23) Harris famously used the illustration of a rose (a single person) and a hand (romantic interest). If everyone squeezes the rose or handles it carelessly, the petals fall off. The message: Save your deepest affections for your spouse.
2. Involve Your Community In dating, you hide. In courtship, you reveal. Harris encouraged couples to seek the counsel of parents and pastors. “Dile al Cortejo” means “Say yes to courtship”—which means saying no to secret, isolated relationships.
3. Purpose Over Feelings Feelings are fleeting; conviction is not. Courtship asks:
If the answer to any of these is no, courtship says you should step back before your emotions trap you.
4. Physical Purity This is the most famous (and controversial) part. Harris advocated for avoiding situations that led to temptation—no long make-out sessions, no sleeping in the same bed, and often, no kissing before the altar. He asked couples to save even their first kiss for their wedding day.
The Modern Conversation (The Important Update) Between 2018 and 2021, Joshua Harris publicly apologized for I Kissed Dating Goodbye. He admitted that the book created legalism, shame, and fear-based views of relationships. He even separated from his wife and deconstructed his faith.
Does that mean the courtship model is useless? Not entirely. Many Christians still practice “intentional dating” (a softer version of courtship) because they appreciate:
However, the extreme version (no kissing, no alone time, arranged-courtship) has largely been rejected by the next generation.
Practical Takeaways for Today Whether you completely agree with Harris or not, here are three questions from El y Ella: Dile al Cortejo that every couple should ask:
Final Reflection Joshua Harris’s Dile al Cortejo was never just a set of rules—it was a cry for intentionality. While the author has changed his views, the core question remains powerful: Is your current approach to relationships preparing you for marriage, or just practicing for a breakup?
You don’t have to follow Harris’s exact rules to honor God in your relationship. But you do need a plan. Whether you call it “dating,” “courtship,” or “friendship with a purpose”—say yes to clarity, respect, and purity.
What do you think? Is courtship a biblical ideal or an unrealistic standard? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Disclaimer: This post is for informational and historical discussion of Joshua Harris’s teachings. Readers are encouraged to seek current, healthy relationship advice from licensed counselors and diverse theological perspectives.
Joshua Harris’s book, El y Ella: Dile Sí al Cortejo (originally titled Boy Meets Girl), serves as the practical sequel to his famous I Kissed Dating Goodbye. While his first book focused on the "why" of avoiding traditional dating, this book focuses on the "how" of pursuing a God-honoring relationship that leads to marriage.
The book is written from a conservative Christian perspective and emphasizes the concept of "courtship" over modern dating. Harris argues that the purpose of a romantic relationship should be to determine if two people are meant for marriage, rather than for casual entertainment or self-gratification. Key Themes and Content
Defining Courtship: Harris defines courtship as a relationship between a man and a woman that is pursued with the intent of marriage and involves the oversight and support of family and the church community.
The Role of Community: A major pillar of the book is that romance should not happen in a vacuum. Harris encourages couples to involve mentors and parents to provide accountability and wisdom.
Purposeful Communication: The book provides guidance on how to have meaningful conversations about values, faith, and future goals rather than focusing solely on emotional "sparks."
Guarding the Heart: Much of the text is dedicated to maintaining sexual purity and emotional boundaries to ensure that the relationship remains focused on spiritual and character compatibility.
Practical Framework: For those looking for a structured, biblical alternative to modern dating culture, this book offers a clear step-by-step roadmap.
Focus on Integrity: It encourages young people to treat one another with high levels of respect and to prioritize character over superficial traits.
Conversation Starters: The book includes helpful questions and topics for couples to discuss as they evaluate their compatibility.
Rigidity: Some readers find the "courtship" model to be overly legalistic or difficult to apply in modern contexts where family or church support systems might not be as robust.
Author’s Retraction: It is important to note that years after publication, Joshua Harris stepped away from his faith and publicly apologized for some of the teachings in his books, stating that they often caused unnecessary shame or fear regarding romance.
Gender Roles: The book adheres to traditional, complementarian gender roles, which may not resonate with all modern readers. Final Verdict
El y Ella: Dile Sí al Cortejo is a significant piece of Christian literature for those who want a disciplined, intentional approach to romance. If you value community involvement and want to avoid the "games" of modern dating, you will find it insightful. However, readers should approach it with a critical eye, keeping in mind the author's own later change of heart regarding the strictness of these rules.
Are you reading this for personal guidance or for a group study?
Are you interested in other perspectives on Christian dating that are more contemporary?
Author: Joshua Harris Genre: Christian Living, Relationships, Courtship Rating: ★★★★☆ (4/5) – A revolutionary classic that requires a modern filter.
Published in 2000 as a follow-up to his controversial bestseller I Kissed Dating Goodbye, El y Ella (Boy Meets Girl) is Joshua Harris’s practical guide to "courtship." While his first book deconstructed modern dating, this book attempts to reconstruct a biblical, intentional alternative. It is less about rules and more about the heart attitude behind pursuing a spouse.
En 2018, para sorpresa del mundo cristiano, Joshua Harris anunció que ya no estaba de acuerdo con su propio libro. A través de un documental y una disculpa pública, declaró:
"He cambiado de opinión. Ya no creo que el cortejo sea un mandato bíblico para todos. Mi libro causó daño a muchas personas, creando una cultura de vigilancia y miedo al afecto."
En 2019, Harris retiró oficialmente El y Ella: Dile si al Cortejo (y sus guías de estudio) del mercado. Además, en 2021, sorprendió a sus seguidores al anunciar que se había divorciado de su esposa y que ya no se identificaba como cristiano, un giro que generó aún más debate sobre la validez de su enseñanza original.
A los 21 años, Joshua Harris era un joven pastor soltero que se sentía frustrado por el "sistema de citas" secular. Observaba que sus amigos y feligreses sufrían rupturas dolorosas, comparaban relaciones como si fueran productos y caían en tentaciones sexuales antes del matrimonio.
Su respuesta fue escribir I Kissed Dating Goodbye (1997). El fenómeno fue inmediato. Vendió más de un millón de copias y se tradujo a varios idiomas. En el mundo hispanohablante, "El y Ella: Dile sí al Cortejo" se convirtió en el manual de cabecera para jóvenes cristianos.
La premisa central era audaz: Reemplazar el "dating" (citas informales) por el "cortejo" (courtship).
Entre 1998 y 2005, el Libro De Joshua Harris El Y Ella Dile Si Al Cortejo estaba en todas las librerías cristianas. Su influencia fue masiva:
En Latinoamérica, el movimiento llegó con fuerza. Iglesias neopentecostales e iglesias reformadas adoptaron el libro como texto oficial para sus grupos de jóvenes.
"El y Ella: Dile Sí al Cortejo" sigue siendo un texto fundamental para entender
El y Ella: Dile sí al cortejo de Joshua Harris es una de las obras más influyentes en la literatura cristiana contemporánea sobre relaciones románticas. Publicado originalmente como la secuela del superventas Le dije adiós a las citas amorosas, este libro profundiza en el concepto del cortejo bíblico como una alternativa intencional y sagrada al noviazgo convencional.
A continuación, exploramos los temas centrales, la estructura y el contexto actual de esta obra. Temas Principales del Libro
El libro no solo ofrece reglas, sino que presenta una "hoja de ruta" para encontrar un compañero de vida con un propósito espiritual claro.
Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship: Harris, Joshua - Amazon.com
El libro " Él y Ella: Dile sí al cortejo " (título original: Boy Meets Girl) de Joshua Harris funciona como una guía práctica para transicionar de la soltería al matrimonio bajo principios cristianos. A diferencia de su primer libro, donde proponía "decir adiós" a las citas, en esta obra Harris detalla cómo construir una relación intencional. Temas Centrales de la Guía
Cortejo con Propósito: Define el cortejo no como una recreación emocional, sino como una temporada de amistad vigilada por la sabiduría, con el objetivo claro de evaluar la compatibilidad para el matrimonio. Libro De Joshua Harris El Y Ella Dile Si Al Cortejo
Comunidad y Mentoría: Harris enfatiza que el romance no es un proyecto privado. Sugiere involucrar a la familia, pastores y amigos cercanos para recibir consejo y rendición de cuentas.
Pureza Sexual y Emocional: El autor ofrece pautas para proteger el corazón y mantener límites físicos claros, fundamentados en la fe.
Las 8 Grandes Conversaciones: El libro incluye una sección práctica con temas fundamentales que toda pareja debería discutir antes del compromiso, como finanzas, roles de género y fe. Estructura de Estudio Sugerida
Si planeas usarlo como guía de estudio grupal o personal, puedes enfocarte en estas áreas clave mencionadas en el texto: Amazon.com: El Y Ella: Dile Si Al Cortejo (Spanish Edition)
El y Ella: Dile Sí al Cortejo (known in English as Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship ) is a Christian guide by Joshua Harris that serves as the sequel to his bestseller, I Kissed Dating Goodbye . The book outlines a "romance with a purpose," advocating for biblical courtship
as a more intentional alternative to casual, recreational dating Amazon.com Core Concepts and Themes
The book focuses on moving a relationship from a simple greeting to a lifelong commitment through a God-centered framework. Key themes include: Amazon.com Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship: Harris, Joshua
Note on context: Joshua Harris has since publicly disavowed the book and apologized for the harm it caused. This post presents the original message of the book while acknowledging that context.
Title: Rethinking Romance: What Joshua Harris’s “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” Teaches About Choosing Courtship
Blog Introduction For an entire generation of Christian young people, Joshua Harris’s I Kissed Dating Goodbye (originally published in 1997) was a game-changer. The book’s Spanish edition, often referred to as El y Ella: Dile al Cortejo (“He and She: Say Yes to Courtship”), challenged the modern dating culture head-on.
But what exactly is the “courtship” Harris proposed? And is it still relevant today? Let’s break down the core principles of the book and the model of intentional relationships it champions.
The Problem with Modern Dating According to Harris, traditional dating often leads to:
Harris argued that dating without purpose isn’t harmless—it’s preparation for divorce. This is why he proposed courtship as the alternative.
What is “El Cortejo” (Courtship)? Unlike casual dating, courtship is a season of intentional relationship aimed specifically at discerning marriage. Here are the pillars as presented in the book: En 2018, para sorpresa del mundo cristiano, Joshua
1. Guard Your Heart (Proverbs 4:23) Harris famously used the illustration of a rose (a single person) and a hand (romantic interest). If everyone squeezes the rose or handles it carelessly, the petals fall off. The message: Save your deepest affections for your spouse.
2. Involve Your Community In dating, you hide. In courtship, you reveal. Harris encouraged couples to seek the counsel of parents and pastors. “Dile al Cortejo” means “Say yes to courtship”—which means saying no to secret, isolated relationships.
3. Purpose Over Feelings Feelings are fleeting; conviction is not. Courtship asks:
If the answer to any of these is no, courtship says you should step back before your emotions trap you.
4. Physical Purity This is the most famous (and controversial) part. Harris advocated for avoiding situations that led to temptation—no long make-out sessions, no sleeping in the same bed, and often, no kissing before the altar. He asked couples to save even their first kiss for their wedding day.
The Modern Conversation (The Important Update) Between 2018 and 2021, Joshua Harris publicly apologized for I Kissed Dating Goodbye. He admitted that the book created legalism, shame, and fear-based views of relationships. He even separated from his wife and deconstructed his faith.
Does that mean the courtship model is useless? Not entirely. Many Christians still practice “intentional dating” (a softer version of courtship) because they appreciate:
However, the extreme version (no kissing, no alone time, arranged-courtship) has largely been rejected by the next generation.
Practical Takeaways for Today Whether you completely agree with Harris or not, here are three questions from El y Ella: Dile al Cortejo that every couple should ask:
Final Reflection Joshua Harris’s Dile al Cortejo was never just a set of rules—it was a cry for intentionality. While the author has changed his views, the core question remains powerful: Is your current approach to relationships preparing you for marriage, or just practicing for a breakup?
You don’t have to follow Harris’s exact rules to honor God in your relationship. But you do need a plan. Whether you call it “dating,” “courtship,” or “friendship with a purpose”—say yes to clarity, respect, and purity.
What do you think? Is courtship a biblical ideal or an unrealistic standard? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Disclaimer: This post is for informational and historical discussion of Joshua Harris’s teachings. Readers are encouraged to seek current, healthy relationship advice from licensed counselors and diverse theological perspectives.
Joshua Harris’s book, El y Ella: Dile Sí al Cortejo (originally titled Boy Meets Girl), serves as the practical sequel to his famous I Kissed Dating Goodbye. While his first book focused on the "why" of avoiding traditional dating, this book focuses on the "how" of pursuing a God-honoring relationship that leads to marriage. "He cambiado de opinión
The book is written from a conservative Christian perspective and emphasizes the concept of "courtship" over modern dating. Harris argues that the purpose of a romantic relationship should be to determine if two people are meant for marriage, rather than for casual entertainment or self-gratification. Key Themes and Content
Defining Courtship: Harris defines courtship as a relationship between a man and a woman that is pursued with the intent of marriage and involves the oversight and support of family and the church community.
The Role of Community: A major pillar of the book is that romance should not happen in a vacuum. Harris encourages couples to involve mentors and parents to provide accountability and wisdom.
Purposeful Communication: The book provides guidance on how to have meaningful conversations about values, faith, and future goals rather than focusing solely on emotional "sparks."
Guarding the Heart: Much of the text is dedicated to maintaining sexual purity and emotional boundaries to ensure that the relationship remains focused on spiritual and character compatibility.
Practical Framework: For those looking for a structured, biblical alternative to modern dating culture, this book offers a clear step-by-step roadmap.
Focus on Integrity: It encourages young people to treat one another with high levels of respect and to prioritize character over superficial traits.
Conversation Starters: The book includes helpful questions and topics for couples to discuss as they evaluate their compatibility.
Rigidity: Some readers find the "courtship" model to be overly legalistic or difficult to apply in modern contexts where family or church support systems might not be as robust.
Author’s Retraction: It is important to note that years after publication, Joshua Harris stepped away from his faith and publicly apologized for some of the teachings in his books, stating that they often caused unnecessary shame or fear regarding romance.
Gender Roles: The book adheres to traditional, complementarian gender roles, which may not resonate with all modern readers. Final Verdict
El y Ella: Dile Sí al Cortejo is a significant piece of Christian literature for those who want a disciplined, intentional approach to romance. If you value community involvement and want to avoid the "games" of modern dating, you will find it insightful. However, readers should approach it with a critical eye, keeping in mind the author's own later change of heart regarding the strictness of these rules.
Are you reading this for personal guidance or for a group study?
Are you interested in other perspectives on Christian dating that are more contemporary?
Author: Joshua Harris Genre: Christian Living, Relationships, Courtship Rating: ★★★★☆ (4/5) – A revolutionary classic that requires a modern filter.
Published in 2000 as a follow-up to his controversial bestseller I Kissed Dating Goodbye, El y Ella (Boy Meets Girl) is Joshua Harris’s practical guide to "courtship." While his first book deconstructed modern dating, this book attempts to reconstruct a biblical, intentional alternative. It is less about rules and more about the heart attitude behind pursuing a spouse.